So basically… [One Man's Rants & Raves]
…this is an opinion piece written by an opinionated person with a variety of opinions. If you don’t like them, feel free to let me know, but I reserve the right to know what’s what.
…if you’ve got a bluetooth earpiece in and you’re not in your car, you’re clearly a) full of hot shit self-importance, b) devoid of all fashion sense, c) a complete tool, or d) all of the above. Keep that lame head decoration in during dinner out with your family and you’re seriously loathsome.
…if you’re a waiter at Sophia’s and I happen to be entering the area to pick up my to-go order, and because I was raised by good parents, I happen to hold the door for you while you carry a tray of food out to a table, the least you can do is acknowledge me with a head nod, smile, or (god-forbid) a “thank you” on your way through. Good thing Boss’ Favorite is the bomb-diggity or you’d be wearing that yellow curry, son.
…if you blame this year’s Picnic Day excessiveness on The Graduate‘s early cocktail hour, you’re oblivious and your remarks on the subject mean absolutely nothing to anyone sane. Note to your soberself – people who drink beer at 6am aren’t conscious enough to start fights at 6pm.
Reasons Picnic Day was nuttier than normal include:
- gorgeous weather,
- Facebook hype,
- an accurate sloppy-good time reputation,
- Twitter updates of that short-shorts-young-legs combo,
- a grossly under-engaged police department, and
- those meatheads from El Cerrito that were here just looking to either grab or kick ass.
We've still got Paddy Wagons, right? Use 'em!
Incidentally, I had a dozen or so people in my backyard and the cops showed up due to “loud laughter and cackling” so I’m not sure how much of this business I even believe. The quick fix to Picnic Day problems: sobriety check points at all entrances into town, a good ol’fashioned paddy wagon parked in the E Street parking lot, El Cerrito resident profiling, and a cackle-o-meter device in every yard.
…if you haven’t given blood in the last year, it’d better be a sweet lookin’ tattoo.
…if you haven’t had the coral reef sandwich deal at Beach Hut Deli, you’re definitely still hungry.
…if you laughed or even smiled once while reading this inaugural post, you’re the best.
It couldn’t POSSIBLE have been that the local watering holes started serving booze at 6 AM? Naw, couldn’t have been.
Adam, are you aware that several local watering holes have been serving beer for breakfast during the entire World Cup season? And I have yet to hear about a single girl getting popped in the mouth.
People who are trying to settle on a reason why this year was different need to remember that alcohol availabiltiy at dawn has been going on for years on Picnic Day. Good thing too, cuz the parade without at least one wicky-wacky-woo on board would be too much to bare.
And do you really think that if kids can’t buy booze that morning, they’re not going to stock up the night before? I’m not saying don’t bust the superlush for drunk in public. But blaming bars is completely ludicrous, as is that flippant reply.
Incidentally, I’m pretty sure that ‘sac-bee arrests surge’ report is incorrect. 100 calls is what a typical Saturday yields, not a typical Picnic Day. It was up this year no doubt, but not by that margin.
Anyway, what else you got?
Good stuff Danny! As a Cal Poly Alum who was there when the out-of-towner’s who didn’t have a couch to sleep on started their own campfires in the streets, I can see the cancellation writing on the wall. Picnic Day can be saved and it has nothing to do with the bars or their hours. To nip this thing in the bud, focus away from backyard bbq’s and downtown bars, and focus on loitering and open containers. It’s the fools with their shirts off, drinking out of their trunk that get bored enough to start burning shit down. Let them know that big citations or jail awaits and PD lives on.
Question: Wearing a bluetooth during sex…acceptable?
Haha, fair question. So long as your partner(s) are also rockin a BT during the act so as to share vital information with each other and/or you’re simultaneously receiving advice from a professional in order to enhance your own performance, thereby enhancing the experience for everyone, I’ll allow it. I think we just came up with a new definition for “remote physical therapy” by the way.
I appreciate the comments, Tom.
I have attended all but one Picnic Day since 1972. This year was the rowdiest event in years, but I don’t see why that is such a bad thing.
As a child the weather was almost always pleasant on Picnic Day. I went through more cans of shaving cream before I could shave than since. I waited all year every year for that one crazy day in our otherwise sedate and tranquil little town.
During the Jr. High years I would fill my back pack with water balloons and climb on top of the B & L bike shop building to ambush passers-by. Back at ground level I would tie a knot in one end of a 6 foot stretch of surgical tubing and zip-tie half of a ball point pen casing to the other end to create a powerful water weapon known affectionately as a “water weenie”. I could soak a coed’s T-Shirt from 25 feet away.
By high school we would start partying by the beginning of the parade. I was pulled over once on Picnic Day with 5 guys in a Jeep and a 12 pack of keystone under the driver’s seat (thanks again for lending us the Jeep Mrs. Z), no charges were filed. It was during Picnic Day that a friend of mine (KT) did an inverted beer bong to get us all in to a frat party.
During college I…. well the statute of limitations hasn’t quite expired so…
In the last fifteen years I have endured pouring rain, crying children, an annoying/complaining (and fat) ex-wife and several bad hangovers simply for the childhood excitement I gain from Picnic Day. This year the weather was perfect, the parade was great, the beer garden served Sudwerk, things got out of hand and I had an absolute blast.
My point is… Picnic Day is all about fun and rowdiness. At least for the kids, college students and non-grownups like me. I went to Santa Barbara for a few years and attended the debauchery know as Halloween each year. Correct me if I am wrong but at least no one fell of a cliff at Picnic Day. Poly Royal, Pioneer Days and Halloween have all been essentially shut down. Picnic day is still my favorite day of the year and I truly hope there is no one out there with the power or will to shut this wonderful annual event down.
Instead of shutting it down I say we bring back the shaving cream and water fights, close off the down town area from traffic to avoid drunk driver vs. pedestrian accidents and accept it for what it is. Enjoy the day or head home directly after the parade. Please don’t Davis”ise” Picnic Day.
And to answer Tom’s question:
If you want to wear your bluetooth while having sex then have sex in the car. If you need a list of good locations contact me.
Felts
Finally! Somebody remembers the shaving cream fights…those were my fondest memories of picnic day..I wish they would bring it back..
Hi Danny..
Hey, maybe we arm the police (and tenured locals) with Gillette Foamy and let ‘em go nuts on those packs of half-a-dozen-tough-guys-but-only-when-we’re-with-our-other-tough-guys team of losers that cause all the problems. Fighting is the alternative to the other f-word that’s never gonna happen for them, so their tighties get all bunched up. It’s not like they’re man enough to know what shaving cream is anyway.
See unfortunately, John, water-balloons aren’t enough for those big-muscle, small-brain type asshats that start shit. In case you can’t tell, I really hate them and their nothingness and wish they’d go pump iron or themselves instead of crashing downtown. Of course, they’re not all from El Cerrito, in case someone out there missed the joke.
But keep the comments coming, guys. I’m sure we can come up with a better plan than pointing fingers at a.m. bartenders.
Do you think people are getting tattoos without having any idea what they mean. Or why they wanted it. My nephew explained to me that he got a full sleeve tattoo because he thought it would be cool. He is old enough to have a tatoo and had the money to pay for it. So everything was legit except for his reason. I have tats but they all have meaning and I had to earn the priveldge of wearing them. What’s you take on people getting tats for no reason.
My uncle just got a tattoo of an old school pin up girl. It was fantastic work. Looked great. Does anyone else see 60+ year old men, who have never had a tattoo, getting them. He isn’t going through a mid life crisis, no divorce or other life changing happenings. He just got one. WTF was he thinking.
He was thinking “I’ll be damned if Jewell’s nephew is gonna get one over on me, the whippersnapper!”
Actually, like Jewell’s nephew, 60 year-old dude probably just thought it looked cool. I really don’t think people need a significant reason -or- have to earn a tattoo. That’s great if your artwork has special meaning, but it’s not a requirement. Besides, we’re not the ones who have to regret their decision down the road, if done in haste.
Haven’t yet inked myself because I haven’t (yet) found anything with special meaning, but that doesn’t mean I fault anyone with less stringent attitudes. That said, I think it’s a shame when kids ink from the neck up. Someday they’ll regret that decision, surely. 90% of the time it looks pretty lame anyway. There really should be some kind of counseling session required, like they do prior to a vasectomy, because essentially they just snipped their career right in the gnads.
I have nearly completed another set of rants. Can’t decide if I should start a new post or just leave ‘em here. Any thoughts on that?